I had intended to post in the beginning of the month, but then I got tied up with an uninvited house guest, Hurricane Sandy. She didn’t want to leave so quickly.
10.31.2012 3am
I have been waiting for the words to come. I knew they would. I knew it would be some strange time…and so, in the moonlight’s shadows with the low hum of the generator, I write this.
There has been very little quiet time or, should I say, moments to myself. Everything seems to be one big paradox. While, I am so grateful for time with my family, I also look forward to our routine again. Appreciating the forced break from technology, I find myself craving it so badly all at the same time. The push and pull of connection – that is what I feel, along with great amounts of gratitude.
Early on, in the storm, my wise daughter said Hurricane Sandy “seemed sad”; sometimes angry, and even a little happy at times, but mostly sad. I felt it too, and knew what she meant, or so I thought. That was before Sandy really took hold of us and we lost power.
I have wondered what her message was. I have been waiting for it to come to me clearly. What did Hurricane Sandy want to say to us? What did she want me to understand?
To be thankful? Yes, of course – but what else? Appreciate what you have? Yes! Be present in this moment, as we’ve been granted another day, and you don’t know how long you’ve got? Yes!
Aside from these usual messages that a storm like this brings, I can kind of feel something bigger, here in the moonlight. It’s there, just within my reach, but I can’t yet put it all into words.
For me, it has been a year. At about this time, in 2011, we had a storm. It was a freak snow storm that knocked our power out…
On a most quiet Saturday evening, Tabitha, my cat of 18 years naturally passed on, after a long illness. She was nestled in a cushioned box I carefully made for her, with my hands on her sweet body, as she took her last breath and left this world. The next day, the snow came. Not in anyone’s memory could they recall a Halloween when it had snowed. Tabitha knew to leave before the storm. She knew it was time to go. It was okay. She was so smart like that. There was so much chaos at the time. My sister was pregnant with naturally conceived triplets. She had already been in the hospital for a month and wasn’t due to come out until just before Christmas. My kids had just started at their new school. This time was marked by much transition and change.
Now, almost exactly a year to the day, here I am, in a storm with no power…and that is the only constant. I am the proud mother of a new kitten, just 15 weeks old. My sisters’ babies were born healthy, and are growing more every day. They are crawling, standing, and getting their first teeth.
Remembering the storm one year ago, I am also reminded of the love notes project and series that I embarked on, for myself and to the world. I made a sketch book, and I had my usual flurry of ideas that continued to grow – and it is all still going strong.
So as I sit in the hum of the generator and the shadow of the moonlight, Sandy’s message is a little clearer now. There have been bursts of so much love and growth, in my life, and it keeps going. The series and the projects are nowhere near through. They keep going…and so do I. I keep moving forward, to be …to be happy, to send love and light, to appreciate what I have close to me and what I have off in the distance. Learn to appreciate the paradox – the push and the pull. Round and round we go, in circles. That’s it! Everything old is new again. After every storm, there is daylight.
It’s like I’ve sent myself a love note, that is just now arriving. As I read it, I’m so excited to see what I have sent to myself, for it is a reminder that, after every ending, there is a beginning. This is the beginning… again.
