Tender hearted thoughts

Sometimes it takes me a while to share here. Most of the time my writing comes in very small fragments. If I don’t pay attention, I end up realizing after or if I can’t get these snippets down quickly enough they vanish into thin air. Sometimes I am not even sure what I am trying to say because a lot of this, while I share it with you, is for myself, it’s part of my process, my journey. I have got several notebooks and sketchbooks going at the same time. I have notes on my phone, notes in Evernote, sticky notes on my dresser & bedside table and scraps of paper in folders. Then, at some point, I sit down {like today} and read through it all, which will spark more thoughts and words and finally I capture it all carefully, compile it, making sense of it all. There are times when my writing comes straight out, flowing perfectly onto the screen but honestly those times are much less frequent. Most of the time it is very much like stitching a quilt together.

It was the Christmas that we slept with the windows open. The one I forgot a bunch of stuff. {I never forget anything}. That one when I had that weird apocalyptic dream about my mom. It was the Christmas where I kind of slept but was sort of awake all night, like a kid with so much anticipation for the holiday morning that they just can’t wait, except really it was probably because of having so many things on my mind, more than it was Christmas. It was the one I had to write in blue pen instead of purple {that is very bothersome for me} and all the city lights looked like Christmas. It was that Christmas. It was the Christmas that my mom had a brain tumor. It was the one where we were almost on time only a tiny bit late, the one where we had all of our gifts wrapped on time. The one where we wrapped my mom’s gifts too. It was that Christmas. It was the Christmas there was a blazing orange sunrise. It was the Christmas I stood on the deck and in bare feet and took pictures of the sunrise over the city and it was almost 7 AM and everyone but me was still sleeping… it was that one. 

So a couple of weeks ago my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor after we made a trip to the emergency room. Initially we thought she was having a mini stroke but what they discovered instead was that she has this tumor. {Oh the ridiculous brain tumor jokes we’ve been making… I am sure you can only imagine.} The upside of this tumor is that it is benign but the down side is she will need surgery because of where it is located and the pressure it is putting on critical parts… her eyes, arteries, pituitary. I’ve been with her every step of the way researching, figuring it out, making phone calls, attending doctors’ appointments etc. There has been a very real part of myself that has been completely caught up with all of this and between that, caring for my Mr. and kids, the holidays, birthdays and all the general life stuff in between it’s no wonder my lower back is acting up.

While this has been going on in the background, I have still been trying to work {create} and move forward with projects and plans. In some ways it’s been my savior to dive into my creative life and take my mind off of things. It’s also forced me to slow down a bit. I already feel like I work at a snail’s pace. However, I feel like this might be part of the lesson. It always comes back around to accepting the person I am. I do not create art quickly. It’s an almost painstakingly slow process for me at times but this is who I am. It has also reinforced the important stuff… of being in the NOW, because truly all you’ve ever got is the NOW.

So with 2016 officially in full swing now… I am going to keep the creativity going here at Songbird Studio. I am delving into some small projects to start the year off until I can get back to the studio more consistently. The first project up is a Challenge project I created with some other amazing ceramic artists, including Carole Epp. I love her work and she is a real inspiration. Check out her work here. We’ve been friends on Instagram for a few years now and it’s really exciting to do a little something together. We are calling our challenge :: Ceramic Artists Experiment :: and we will be using the hashtag #cax16 on Instagram if you want to follow along or JOIN IN! {Really do it!! You don’t have to be a ceramic artist either, FYI} From Jan.8th – Feb. 5th we are challenging ourselves to create one piece of artwork {experimenting in ink, paint, collage, whatever medium is calling you other than clay}. Once we are through we are committing to creating one piece in clay that will come from this artwork. So, join us if you would like! The more the merrier.

I will continue on my self portraiture journey, playing with my camera as well as incorporating more photograpghy together with the other mediums I work in. Of course, I can’t stop playing with clay either, so I plan on slowly continuing to accumulate a small batch of clay work to release later this year too. There is a lot of exciting stuff happening and that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are some other projects/events in the early stages of planning that I am beyond eager to share with you, but you will  just have to wait a little bit longer to hear about those.

2016 – is moving right along already and there is no way I am going to let the light I am feeling in my heart fade even with the hard stuff that is still ahead because truthfully for all the hard that is coming I also see so much good coming too… so very much, way more than I ever could have imagined and I am really excited and ready. I will continue to mindfully share my journey here as truthfully, honestly and authentically as I can. It’s all a part of my process and the work I am meant to be doing. Wishing that this same love and light is strong in your heart this year too!