Friday 1.9.15
I am finally back into the swing of things… back in the studio. My hands felt the very cold clay yesterday. {oh boy has it been so cold out!} Since I am beginning to understand more about my process of creating, I was expecting that there would be a mental twist in getting myself back to work. Now throw in an unexpected emergency and all the conditions were right for a complete no show moment in the studio. But I didn’t let that happen. It was still a struggle, though much better than in the past, but I did get things going again. It’s all par for the course. I happily dove in yesterday and made more magic spoons; this time from porcelain. Spoons seem to hold true magic for me and were the perfect little project to get me started. There was a softness in the air and test tiles to be made and not much time left to start anything big, so spoons were the perfect choice.
Back on Saturday morning I was also reminded of the magic of spoons…
Saturday 1.3.15
So we have come full circle. It’s 2015 and yet, it’s not very much different then it was before. It soon will be time for this little break of mine to end and I know the drill at this point. But I also know that I need to draw from my reserves and past experiences to get me through what’s to come next. I need to remind myself how this process, my creative process, works.
I can already feel the pressure I put on myself welling up. It’s probably why I am up at 4:30am writing instead of sleeping. It seems that magic can be found here for me when I don’t resist so I’ll probably be really tired tonight but I will also feel better. I’ve been wanting to share this story for awhile but it’s taken some time for me to gather it together.
The magic spoons really were magical. The day I created them back in the fall I had every intention of going out and sitting down at the wheel and continuing with the work that I had been busy creating already. My heart wasn’t in it that day though and I was feeling uninspired and lackluster. {I needed some magic, as we all do!} My creative flow wasn’t flowing the way it usually does and I realized this – I was feeling this resistance. One thing I learned long ago from my pottery teacher, Bea, was that when you are working with clay you should check in with yourself. She always said, if you aren’t feeling it don’t try to finish pieces that are already in progress. There is a higher risk for you to break something. Also, you may not be able to create new pieces the way you envision them because you aren’t in that sweet spot creatively and instead of having a productive day you can actually end up putting yourself behind instead of moving forward. Wise words indeed. So now if I feel off I always try to check in with myself and choose my work more wisely if I find I am in this kind of a head space.
So the day I created the magic spoons was definitely one of those days. There was some type of resistance popping up for me but there was also a pressure and need to create happening at the same time. I didn’t want to not show up. As an artist working on your own and making your own hours, not showing up is an easy to trap to fall into. It’s a fine balancing act, just like parenthood. There is a kindness and gentleness that is needed. I was feeling this resistance but I picked up the clay anyway. I was kind and gentle with myself and gave myself permission to be. When I stopped fussing at myself and relaxed into the moment I was then able to step into the flow of energy that helps me create.
And I guess I am telling you this story now today because I can feel that I am heading to that place again. I needed to write this as much for myself as for you. Its at once different and the same and while this place always seems a little bit scary {yes, every time} it is also doesn’t have to be “that” scary if I trust in myself and the process. It is the place where the birth of new ideas begin. It’s the place where magic happens. It is the place where play happens and magic spoons are born and blog posts begin. It’s where in the wee hours of the morning I finally find the words to put this all together and where it finally makes enough sense that I can share it with you. If I can relax and let go a little bit, the being, the doing, the kindness and the presence seep in and I can manifest the magic that comes along with it.
Fast forward to today, 1.9.15
…and after writing those words for myself and all of you on Saturday morning and getting the little twist I was expecting, I did finally sweep and straighten up the studio and sit down with tea and clay again. I am ready for the comfort of routine, rituals and creativity to become my center again. I have had my fill of cookies and chocolate for now. I am happy to have found the “magic” spoons once again. So remember the magic when you are stirring your tea with one. 😉
